As a child, Halloween is the greatest day of all time. Yes, Christmas is up there, birthdays are also cool, but Halloween is it. The day of all days. You get to dress up in a super awesome costume, stroll the streets at night, ask strangers for candy (which for the other 364 days a year you are taught is a major no-no) and then eat said candy. Greatest. Day. Ever.
As an adult with children, you have about 60 seconds after your child comes home, whey they are still hopped up on candy and excitement, to "negotiate" which candies you can get. 60 seconds and that's it before your child realizes what is really happening: you are straight up stealing their candy. But this is why we have children and send them into the night- to get candy for us. To make those 60 seconds really count, here are the top 10 Best Halloween Candies you should be reaching for and the ones that need to stay in the bag. Sorry kids, it's our holiday too.
Top 10 Best Halloween Candies
1. Laffy Taffy
Although the jokes on the wrapper sound like there from your Uncle who tries too hard, Laffy Taffy's chewiness can be addicting. Flavors include sour apple, strawberry, cherry, blue raspberry, grape, and dreaded banana. And for some reason, there is always someone who loooooves the banana flavor (why?).
2. Almond Joy
Some say coconut and almonds shouldn't be in a candy bar, but with enough sugar, anything can be in a candy bar.
The go-to candy bar. Peanuts, caramel, and nougat. Plus, their commercials are hilarious. Sold.
Caramel coated "cookie" topped with chocolate. What's funny with Twix is they make two of them. As if we actually share candy. You're cute Twix.
5. Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
When we say Peanut Butter Cup, we are of course referring to the large cup. Don't be handing out the bite-sized mini versions of this peanut butter delectable. A bag of Reese's pieces will also suffice.
6. Charleston Chew
Often overlooked, this is one of the greatest candies ever invented. Taffy, check, chocolate, check. What else do you need? If you can get your hands on the hard to find strawberry flavored ones, run and never look back.
They are chewy and delicious. Flavors include cherry, lemon, lime, orange, and strawberry. Mmmmmmm, strawberry Dots.
8. 100 Grand Bar
Chewy caramel, milk chocolate, and crispy crunchies make up the 100 Grand Bar. Would you prefer to have 100 Grand? Yes, but this is a close second.
9. Milk Duds
Although this candy will be stuck in your teeth until next Halloween, these caramel duds are worth every tasty moment. Side note: if the chocolate is flaky and no longer dark brown, probably past it's prime. Trust me.
10. Swedish Fish
Is there any candy that is more Minnesotan? Might as well be called, "Uff Da Sugared Walleyes". The clever part about these fish candies is you think you ate just a couple until you look down and realize you scarfed down the entire bag. No judgment, we have all been there.
Top 10 Worst Halloween Candies
1. Peanut Butter Kisses
You know what these are. Those candies who have no branding. Just "peanut butter" flavored chews in black and orange wrappers. Where do people find these? What store is still selling what is known to all of man-kind as the worst candy ever? We want names!
2. Circus Peanuts
Not a peanut, not a circus. What is it? Some sort of evil marshmallow candy that is meant to destroy your taste buds.
3. Candy Corn
You never think that there could be too much sugar in candy until you put one of these in your mouth. How did this become this season's go-to candy anyway? No one has ever come over and said, "Oh awesome, you have a bowl full of candy corn, yum!"
4. Necco Wafers
Oh good, you are giving out chalk for Halloween. We would rather have a decent tasting antacid. At least we would be getting our calcium intake for the day.
It's not that this candy is awful, it's that it's everywhere. It's always in every Halloween jumbo mixed bag. Please pick a different bag. May I suggest one of the top ten we listed...
6. Good & Plenty
Licorice. Is there anything more haunting on Halloween than getting licorice flavored anything? It's like what Mike & Ike's kicked out of their box.
7. Atomic Fireballs
Cinnamon flavored anything is no considered candy. It's made for toothpaste or gum. And is the word "Atomic" somehow making it more appealing? Call it what it is, an "Atomic Mistake".
Either you are M&M's or you are not M&M's. Be careful reaching for this imposter. It's made from carob and tastes like it.
9. Butterscotch Candies
I appreciate the nostalgia of butterscotch candies, I really do. It reminds me of my going to my Grandmother's house and choosing between these or the strawberry wrapped candies. However, you know these candies are decades old and just take way too much time to eat. Sorry, Grandma.
Just because it's covered in chocolate does not automatically make it candy. Candy should not be in one of the five major food groups. Move along Raisens. Move along.